Marta Fernandez·Sunday, February 15th 2009 at 11:55AM·1481 views
Should have kept the secret a secret. I Should have let a woman whose head is being bashed into a wall right now suffer silently- not voice her pain.
Should have let all of "our boys" off the hook, should have not defended my sisters whatever color they are, or culture they belong to.
Should have joined the legions of other women who want to keep this undercover.
Should have defended every broken down, pitiful male that "can't handle his emotions, but can handle a Glock.
Shouldn't have spoken up for the little angels who have to watch the frightening horrors, some staying by the side of a bleeding corpse at 2 and 3 years of age.
Should deny the love for our young children 11, and 12-year-old males whose moment in violence run the gamut of conflicting emotions--as to whether to defend their mothers or listen to her pleas to stay out of it and further confuse his mind (and soul.)
Should have enabled the brothers in abusing women, disrespecting their mothers and using women as a whipping boy.
Shouldn't have tried to explain, that violence is an emotional, psycho-chemical in balance.
Shouldn't have tried to educate and share my education in the area of physical abuse across all societies.
Should have LMAO at Rihanna like many and said yea **** you deserved it hahahahaha!
Shouldn't be surprised no one spoke in terms of "their own mothers" or "their own daughters" in a clearly protective way.
Shouldn't be surprised that it's the victim's fault. It's her fault if she's hit, oh,but it's not "his" fault if he is hit-oh.
Shouldn't be surprised that women didn't stand beside me despite all that talk about unity.
But I am surprised at all the cry baby males, that came out of the woodwork.
However I am NOT surprised how little women think of themselves in the advancement of the survival of the species. Nor the qualitative and quantitative ego protecting mechanisms such as integrity, courage, honor and Self-worth, Self-actualization , Self -respect.
Less emphasis on butt size, weaves,and self satisfying pronouncements and more of the real big girl sense of self love based on courage is what appears to be missing. One can be strong, and still lack self-knowledge. So, ok you in your house do as you please, as for me in my house--nobody is getting abused.
I have to disagree with you Marta, YES you should have spoke about this very important issue that has and still permeates all over the world. Abuse in all of its forms be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritually is very damaging to an individual both males and females. Sadly enough some people have been so broken down internally that they don't even realize how affected they have been, but one can hear it in their statements or responses to issues like this. I can be more than certain that some of the people that blog on this site are still going through this and many have been there before, not all have been subjected to abuse, but I would not be surprised if the numbers are more than 50%. Like I mentioned before in another one of the blogs on this subject, I am a survivor of many things and having frank discussions about this subject it not a problem for me, but there are some people that say they are survivors and are in fact still victims of the abuse.
So as I started this comment I will end this comment with the same. Yes you should have blogged about this serious and very toxic issue that claims millions of lives every year in more ways than one, including by not limited to death.
I in total agreement! You should have blogged! And believe it someone has read! You shouldn't feel any guilt for speaking out, so many are still suffering because they are not speaking out! You were their voice! YOU SHOULD OF DID JUST WHAT YOU DID DO! There should be more blogs to support the discontinuance of domestic violence.
Doing things such as this is better than physical "Exercise". It's a different type of exercise that nourishes and helps growth. Great post, glad you posted it, just wanted to give credit where it is due... Proverbs 3:27-28. Abused women and their male and female children deserve better...
That's it, E Private, you took the argument right back to the root: denigrating rap music that's been making women the 'punchline' for quite some time. Domestic violence starts when respect for oneself and others ends. My sons are now 30 & 21. I never allowed them to watch the booty-shaking videos or listen to gangsta rap. I demanded they respect themselves and the young ladies with whom they interacted. Obediently, I trained them up in the way they should go; and I'm still getting compliments from people who take the time to say, 'thank you for teaching your sons how to respect others'. To God be the glory. Ladies, figure it out: you wouldn't be here if you were not important. Realize that you are somebody; and NOBODY has the right to put their hands on you to do harm. Gwen
You did right, Gurl. Telling the truth about a secret that follows many families is necessary in order to end this. "Maybe she provoked him." So. "I think she hit him first." And? No one deserves to be struck by their mate/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover. No one. For no reason. If it comes to a point where one has to explode, walk away. Quickly. It's no shame in walking away. Don't hit. Don't do the verbal abuse. Just walk. She did not deserve it. And letting your children observe you being beat up does nothing but teach them that it is ok. It shows how much you are loved if you can hit someone and get away with it. Right? Wrong!
Doing the right thing is never wrong, even if onbody else sees that truth. All men will say is what reporting the abuse cost him (embrassment possible job loss, and being stigmatized as an abuser when he' really a great guy). When the abuse is revealed it should be an eye opener for the abuser to see himself or what he is...out of control. For him it's "she, she, she" as the the reasons for the abuse begin. Actually the conversation should start "I, I, I", because she did not deserve what you did. If she says nothing and accepts the abuse she has given him permission to continue in the future and the love he professes has taken a backseat to his emotions. In most instances is love will lose to his anger. Get out and tell , call the police on the first incident if you don't there will be a second. You talked about abuse and you were right to do so, keeping quite can kill you and destroy a family.
It's a very scary place to live in when the abuse is anything but physical. Sometines a woman doesn't know that she's being abused because she's only thinking that physcial abuse is the only kind of abuse worth running away from. More discussion is definitely needed around this subject that apparently so many people are unfortunately caught up in. I hope the African American community will come together to heal ourselves -- that means professionals need to step up and speak out loud about where people can go to get help. We have to help each other.
OMG- I want to thank you all--I KNEW you guys knew what time it was--thank you for speaking up and your support after the males came out like "banshees" looking for sympathy and offering up excuses..my faith has been restored. Thank you! Brothers and Sisters!
Marta thank you for letting out this "secrete" that is in the cable network news as ONLY limited to the rich and famous...then accept the love and respetc from those who are the victims, directly or not directly, each and every day as listed in one's daily news paper:from the infant to the adult in the hospital, the grave,on the artopsy table!!!!!
